I woke up early this morning to the feeling of Bubbles' little feet pedaling against my left side. These days, that's usually what wakes me. I tend to lay in bed for awhile, pressing my hand against my belly to feel this little person snuggled inside me, one we'll soon get to meet.
At 39 weeks today, I feel remarkably calm, given our lives could change any moment now. I was texting with a friend yesterday, and I mentioned that the waiting and uncertainty was the hardest part right now. She said waiting meant God was just putting on the finishing touches. I love the image that brings to mind.
I've been using the Headspace app lately, to help focus my meditation practice. In the pregnancy meditation, you imagine a bright light starting from the center of your chest and diffusing throughout your body, warming you and spreading happiness from the inside out. I always imagine this light as God's love, enveloping Bubbles and keeping him or her safe and bringing joy.
During this time of waiting, I feel like my days are consumed with preparing for Bubbles' arrival, both mentally and physically. This little one is head down, but turned on his or her side most of the time, so I spend a good part of each day doing exercises to encourage Bubbles to turn to the optimal position for birth. I'm also still walking three to four miles per day, which is supposed to encourage proper positioning and help bring on labor.
The last few weeks have been more uncomfortable, physically, because Bubbles went through a growth spurt and I grew a few centimeters in one week, two weeks in a row. To help with the lower back pain the extra belly weight causes, I've been going for weekly massage and acupuncture treatments, which seem to help. This week, my acupuncturist is also going to do a few induction points, to see if we can get this little one moving. I've been religiously attending my weekly yoga class, as well. Aside from the physical benefits, I love the camaraderie of being in a room with so many other women going through the same--and yet individually different--experience.
While I'm still enjoying these last days of completing a few home projects, by next week, I will definitely be ready. Also to help move things along, I've been drinking raspberry leaf tea three times a day. I'm hoping all of these measures will gently help Bubbles decide to join the world.
Mentally, Elie and I are as ready as we can be, for this change that will bring unknown joys and challenges. We both feel peaceful, relishing these last days and nights when it's just the two of us, while at the same time looking forward to the arrival of our child. I'm planning on taking several months off from work after the baby arrives and Elie's staying home for four to six weeks, so we will both be home to soak in this experience and get to know our son or daughter together. It's a luxury and privilege I don't take for granted, and one I am thankful for every day.
I also thank God every day for bringing Elie and me together, for blessing my life with someone so kind, someone with such an expansive heart and gift for giving. Typically, Elie and I have a pretty traditional division of labor, one I wholeheartedly embrace. But especially during these past few weeks, Elie has been doing more of the grocery shopping, making dinner on occasion, doing dishes and running errands. I came home from getting a manicure and pedicure last night and he had even ironed all of the dinner napkins (and the tea towels!) and put them away. I told him he'd better watch out, because I could get used to that!
I joke that if I believed in reincarnation, I would believe Elie is an old soul, highly evolved along his spiritual journey. He has a gift for making life easy--joyful, waking up each day with a smile on his face. Even when facing conflict, he does so with a confident ease, without anxiety or rancor. I'm always amazed as his efficient ability to get things done, without ever seeming rushed or phased. Sometimes I feel like I have to pinch myself, knowing my husband is my hero. No human being is perfect, but Elie is perfect for me.
And I can't wait to watch him fall in love with our child.
And so, we wait. Wait for this little one to make an appearance and change our lives forever. We can't wait to experience this new love in our lives. xo
Thank you to our friend, Matt, of Matthew Land Studios, for continuing to do a beautiful job of documenting our journey.